THE MUSICAL
by C. Winnifred
Summary: A stupid musical referring to characters from the plays: Wicked, The Producers, RENT, Phantom of the Opera, and Annie Get Your Gun
1. Scenes 1 &2

**THE MUSICAL.**

**A Musical by C. Winnifred**

**Scene 1**

_(The scene is set in a shabby dressing room at the backstage of an abandoned theater. Our charaters: Glinda, Leo Bloom, Angel, The Phantom, and Annie Oakley are sitting on various chairs, tables, crates and makeup trunks in a small circle as if they were in a Life Support Meeting.) _

Opening Song: **There's Only Us** (Sung to the tune of Life Support from Rent)

**Glinda**: _Glinda._

**Leo:** _Leo._

**Annie:** _Annie_

**Angel: **_Hi, I'm Angel._

**Phantom:** _Phantom…. of the opera._

**All:** _There's only us _

_In this dressing room_

_No directors _

_or even scripts._

_No door to get out _

_Or door to get in_

_No way to escape._

_There is no way. _

**Glinda-** Hello, my dear fictional characters. I would use my magical powers to get us out but I'm afraid I do not have my wand. I'm sure that we will all be able to use our best qualities to defeat the mysterious evil that trapped us in this very dressing room.

**Angel-** You go honey!

**Glinda-** My best quality is of course being popular! Since determining each of our best qualities will help us to escape let's go around the circle and tell everyone what your best quality is.

**Leo**- _(While fidgeting with his blue blanket and rubbing it all over his face)- _Umm… wellI guess I'm pretty good at math and accounting things. But I feel rather uncomfortable sharing my p-p-personal information in front of a group of questionable looking strangers.

**Glinda-** Well that's ok. We'll go on to the next person. What is your most swankified quality?

**Angel-** _(While flipping his/her hair) _Well honey, I guess you can say I'm Wonder Woman! I can play one heck of a pickle jar, I have outstanding taste in clothing and I have AIDS!

**Glinda-** Well, silly everyone has AIDS! How about you?

**Annie- **I'm a champeen shooter. I can shoot the blond right out of yer hair if only I had my gun, why I could shoot the mask right off this here man's face!

**Phantom-** No! _(A clap of thunder is heard and a flash of lightening appears as the Phantom of the Opera theme song plays in the background.)_ No one can ever see below this mask!

**Leo-** Why must you be so angry? It's making me very uncomfortable.

**Angel- **It's ok honey, you know you can take off your mask and we'll all support you and help you through everything.

**Phantom-** You will never understand. _(Swishes cape and marches away from the group into the corner of the room.)_

**Glinda-** Well now that Mr. Grumpy-wumpy is out of the circle let's celebrate!

**End of Scene 1**

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Scene 2**

_Scene 2 starts with Angel approaching the Phantom in the corner of the room while Glinda attempts to have an intelligent conversation with Annie but is failing. Leo is watching the two girls talk while clutching on to his blue blankie and sweating uncontrollably._

**Makeup- **(Sung to the tune of "Popular" from Wicked)

**Angel:** Now that we've talked I've decided to make you my new friend.

**Phantom**: You **really** don't have to do that.

Angel: Oh honey, but I do. (_grins_)

_Whenever I see someone less beautiful than me._

And let's face it.

**Phantom:** Who is it?

_Less beautiful than me_

_My transsexual heart _

_Is full of glee_

_And when someone needs some cheering up _

_There is no way to shut me up_

_I know, I know exactly what you need._

_And in this suitcase_

_I have everything to fix your face_

_Won't need plastic surgery_

_I've achieved mastery _

_For it's my specialty… _

_MAKEUP!_

_I'll do your makeup_

_I'll fix your face _

_You won't be a disgrace_

_Little blush for your cheeks._

_Ooo_

_No need to do your hair _

_Who cares what you wear_

_Everyone will be looking at your makeup._

_It's all about the makeup_

_And with some help from I_

_Kiss that mask good-bye_

_For it's very plain to the eye_

_You're makeup's really really, really really really fly!_

(_Angel hands the Phantom a mirror_)

You look gorgeous darling!

(_Blows a kiss_)

**Phantom:** Why thank you Angel.

**Angel of Make-Up** (Sung to the tune of Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera)

**Phantom: **_Where in the world have you been hiding?_

_Really you are stylish_

_I really wish I knew your secret_

_My skin is glowing_

_I used to dream of good skin_

_I never thought it'd be real _

_Now I know that my dream_

_Was not a fairytale!_

_Here in this room is my dear Angel_

_She is the best_

_Somehow I know things will get better_

_Oh and I love your vest._

**Angel: **_Phantom you must realize_

_Dreams can really come true_

_I really like singing _

_And I like you!_

**Phantom:**_ Angel of makeup _

_You are brilliant _

_And you look good in lace_

_Angel of Makeup _

_I no longer have to hide my face!_

_(Angel and Phantom hug and then start conversing about the Phantom's new makeover when Glinda comes and taps The Phantom on the shoulder. When he turns around Glinda shrieks.)_

**Glinda:** (_With a horrified face) _You look (_an awkward pause followed by a sudden outburst and gleaming face._) FABULOUS! Let's celebrate!

**End of Scene 2**

………………………………………………………………………………………………


	2. Scene 3

**Scene 3**

(_The scene begins with our featured characters sitting in a circle again with Angel and the Phantom holding hands and gazing dreamily into each others eyes. Annie looks confused at the couple. Glinda is too engrossed in her own beauty and popularity to notice and Leo shares his opinion on the couple in song:)_

**Song 3 ("Sung to the Tune of Doin' What Comes Nat'rally" from Annie Get Your Gun) **

**Leo:**_ Folks are queer where I come from_

_And You two remind me _

_Of two folk I used to know _

_In New York City. (In New York City)_

_Roger DeBris was his name_

_And Carmen was the other _

_They didn't take after dear old dad _

_They took after their mother! (took after their mother)_

_(Starts making hillbilly noises and twirling his blue blankie in the air.)_

I'm sorry. Everyone else was singing. It was making me hysterical. I SING WHEN I'M HYSTERICAL! Why is everyone looking at me? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(_Leo runs around the room in a hysterical fashion clutching on to his blue blanket even harder than before.)_

**Annie:** What is wrong with this fella? He seems to be cookier than a quail with his tail on fire!

**Glinda: **(_While filing her nails)_ He must have not been popular as a child.

**Phantom:** Not everyone who wasn't popular as a child turns out weird.

**Glinda:** _(Continuing to file her nails) _Mmmmmmmhmmmm, if you say so. . .

**Angel:** Is anyone going to do anything about him?

(_Glinda looks up from filing her nails and everyone exchanges looks.)_

**Glinda:** You seem like a people person Angel. You helped Phantom why don't you give him a shot? After all, _these things are meant to try us…_

**Angel:** Ok, ok I'll try to help Mr. Loco en el cabeza.

**End of Scene 3 **


End file.
